Good consolation: "don't queue" or duzi-duzi?

From its origins, the word comfort means to encourage or strengthen. And it is important that parents constantly remind themselves what it means for a child to be comforted. It means that the child is strengthened and encouraged to endure or bear certain things in life in the future.

One point to bear in mind when it comes to comforting is the individuality of the child. The pain threshold, for example, varies greatly. For one child, an abrasion is a reason for real comfort and a few minutes in the arm, for another child it is enough to blow briefly and that's it. So the important questions are: How is my child structured? What does it need at the moment?

This is always a certain balancing act between adequate comforting and cuddling, but parents and child simply have to find this out together.

Absolute no-gos are sentences like: "Oh, it doesn't hurt at all", "An Indian knows no pain" or "Boys don't cry". This is out of date and shouldn't be said - and of course was wrong in the past too.

What also often happens and should be taken into account: If a child is distressed, feels distressed because they have done something that the parents had warned them about or that the parents knew beforehand would not work out - then you still need to show adequate emotional and affectionate comfort. Smart remarks along the lines of "That's what happens when you don't listen" or "I told you so" really don't help at all.

When children are in despair because something didn't work out, they usually know very well that they didn't do such a good job and that they should probably have listened to their parents. In the actual moment of despair, they therefore don't need such an announcement at all. What they need is support and comfort from their parents. This strengthens them, encourages them and makes them strong for life.